How to Handle the Holidays
If you are feeling overwhelmed this holiday season, or are around other family members or friends who are dysregulated, the greatest gift you can offer yourself and others is to work on regulating. Having a calm, regulated nervous system is an asset that can carry you through a stressful season. Regulation doesn’t mean low energy all the time, it’s a homeodynamic dance to be able to lift and lower external energy, while keeping an internal state of calm. For example, you might need an increase of energy to make dinner, then you might get cozy and still to watch a movie; one takes more energy than the other, but each can be done with a regulated calm inner nervous system.
This all sounds really lovely, but the reality is it’s easier said than done. Our brain stem processes information from the bottom up, taking in information that is rhythmic, patterned and repetitive through our five senses. When something out of the ordinary happens, say someone drops a glass and it shatters, our brain stem sends an alert that something out of the ordinary happened and we start scanning for danger. If we have already been through stress and challenge in our life, we might have a nervous system that is particularly attuned to changes in the environment, living in a hypervigilant state. The holidays are full of new sensory input for many of us. Crowded houses, flashy lights, different foods, differing political views, new voices, all sorts of novel sensory input that can overwhelm an already sensitive response, making the holidays tough to navigate.
Each of us has a different threshold for overwhelm and overstimulation. Something that is overwhelming for one person, might be delightful or even regulating for another person. Sometimes when we are overwhelmed with sensory input, it's easy to forget all the tools we have for self-care. We tend to lean back on subconscious coping tools that we learned growing up, which might not always be the most adaptive. Often when we are in a state of dysregulation, we may not even be conscious or aware of it, and we have likely forgotten all our tools that keep us regulated. Having a grab bag full of your go to tools and techniques means that you can have access to the tools in the moment without having to think of it. They can be done both preventatively and, in the moment, as needed.
Dr. Bruce Perry’s work on neurosequential model of brain development helps us to understand that if we are feeling dysregulated we can’t just think or talk ourselves into regulation. We have to start with a bottom-up approach, meaning from our brain stem to the neocortex. Dr. Perry recommends we “regulate, relate, and reason.” Before any connection or conversation can happen, first we must be in a regulated state. All the tools listed in this DIY self-care tool kit can be helpful for getting regulated. Then we can try to connect and relate to each other, using calm voices. Karyn Purvis also gives us the wisdom of total voice control, through tone, volume and cadence and the way in which it allows us to connect to other people. Once we are regulated, we can work towards being able to use our voice to be more connected through relating to each other. The final step is tapping into our higher parts of our brain, the neocortex, to be able to reason.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or stressed, it’s important to take self care. It’s a gift to yourself and others. Sometimes just walking away for 5 minutes to get a breath of fresh air can be a game changer. Here are some of my favorite self-care tools that you can use to make your own self-care “tool box” in the video above:
Here is the list, if you want to copy this onto a word doc, print it out or write them on individual sheets of paper and place in your box: ***These aren't in the same order as in the video since I pulled the video tools at random :)
Please feel free to add in your favorite self-care tools as well!
-Slow wrist rolls or slow joint rotations
-Slow eye gazing around the room // reorienting
–Petting a beloved animal or hugging a stuffed animal
-Warming your hands and placing over your face on an inhale
-Taking a shower or bath visualizing the stress rinsing away
-Self massage // Abhyanga - Power pose stance
-Tremoring (check out my yoga for grounding video)
-Box breathing
-Go for a walk (especially in nature)
-Dancing or rhythmic movement/swaying
-Body scan for opposite sensations
–Journaling with 10 min timer (Novni is a free site to write anonymously too)
-Guided Meditation for Yoga class from Youtube
-Horse Breath
-Gorilla Breath
