Embracing the Unknown in our Relationships
“Study me as much as you like, you will not know me, for I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.” ~ Rumi
Weddings are sacred as one of the few remaining rituals that we honor across cultures. Last month I had the privilege to officiate my uncle’s wedding and next month I will be officiating for dear friends.
One of my favorite moments of this wedding was the hand binding ceremony, a ritual our minister shared with us in Scotland at our own wedding. The couple bring their hands together and a cord is wrapped around the wrists, with an intention spoken over each looping. The cord, woven with fibers of warm wishes, prayer, and intention, symbolically seals the couple together as one. The binding acknowledges the ways our individual hands change over time with age, work, and love, yet the partnership remains as one.
When a couple is standing at the altar, it is not an invitation for perfection, but rather a commitment to the dance of rupture and repair. The requirement of connection is not in our ability to do it perfectly, but to continue to move towards each other, to reconnect, and to embrace the enigma that is the soul standing across from us, which we can never own nor possess. If we can continue to remain curious and vulnerable in embracing the mystery that is our partner’s inner life, without assumptions, we can delight in a lifetime of learning a person.
As a therapist and an officiant, I feel privileged to be present for the commitments, the ruptures and the rapture of the repairs. Doing this work is a profound gift. In my equine assisted psychotherapy training we were recently posed the question, what is partnership to you?
To me partnership and love are both verbs, action words, that require presence and active engagement of each person showing up to the connection. It is a dance between making requests and being open to receiving. With both participants working together in an alliance so much can be accomplished, especially when the pacing for completion is driven by patience and presence, rather than anxiety. What would it feel like to partner with curiosity this week?
